the fragile fish condition
a story of our very obstinate fish
Brian and I got some fish from a Japanese fair a couple of months ago. We won some comet goldfish (aka carnival goldfish) from a stand and bought a tank and filter the next hour. The people at the fair did not give us instructions on how to care for these goldfish, but we did have the internet at our hands and a friend with tropical fish. The internet gave us various instructions for creating a tank with sufficient bacteria and filtration that would make our fish happy. On the car ride home, we came up with a few names for our new friends: Zuck, Meta, and Gleb (after our eastern European friend, Gleb).
Meta, Gleb, and Zuck (left to right) pictured here.
We enjoyed about a month or so of our fish, until one fateful day, I woke up to three dead goldfish. At first, I was confused. We fed them enough, they grew larger, everything was fine, we cleaned their water when we noticed the filter stopped working. What happened? The problem turned out to be that we cleaned too much of their water and the fish could not thrive under those conditions. They needed the water to not be too clean for there to be bacteria. They couldn’t thrive under too much (water) change.
After a few days of grieving and losing my appetite, I recovered and thought we should try again with different fish. We got four new Tetra fish. Now, I don’t have pictures because they did not survive very long. In fact, three of them died the very day we got them (RIP Gilbert, Shai-Hulud, and Delta) and the last one went belly up soon after, likely out of depression of losing its friends. The first three died likely of the water not having the right kind/amount of bacteria, even though we waited over a week of filtering bacteria for the fish.
We could not stand this much fish heartbreak, yet we have decided to give it one last try with assorted Platy fish. We have a red, blue, and yellow one. Tom, Dick, and Harry. Obviously, Harry has to be the yellow one. Our fish are very entertaining and explorative. They have quite the personalities and we love them very much. If these fish do not last at least six months, I don’t think I can keep experiencing fish heartbreak1.
After (unsuccessfully) caring for three generations of fish, I’ve found it hard to grasp just how fragile they are and how badly they need their tank to be of certain conditions for survival. It is not like the tank makes them a bit unhappy, and they will still be okay. They seem to have an on/off switch. Either they are happy or they die. What an absurd design. They require such strict conditions and cannot bear anything else. It’s like if a person said that he can only be happy if he experiences some breeze and plants in his home, but if he doesn’t, he will literally die. You’d find him to be a bit ridiculous. What an obstinate creature! He will get nowhere acting like such a maladaptive fish.
The truth is that a lot of people are obstinate and have very strong ideas for how something needs to be done or how things should be for them to feel happy. If certain conditions are not met, they will have a very hard time. Children are a great example of this. If they don’t get the very glittery and sparkly shoe, they will throw a temper tantrum in the shoe store and an embarrassed mother will drag them out promising him that there is some yummy chocolate at home. Obstinacy in a child is understandable, but terrifying if an adult did this. I don’t think most adults do. But, they are obstinate in very subtle ways. Certainly, I think I have been.
One thing I have been very stubborn about is the time I wake up and needing for it to be early enough to feel happy to exercise or feel productive. I’ve found that I feel discouraged if I wake up too late in the morning to go out and exercise. I feel like there are other things I now need to give attention to, that I should not go out in solar noon, etc etc. The excuses can continue. Does waking up at a certain time or not doing so mean that you give up on the day? That you don’t deem the day worthy enough to be one to make strides and progress? What is a small setback to you? Are you really such a fragile fish that you cannot handle a difference in your sleep and morning schedule? Must you need your tank to have exactly 1001.22 bacteria to thrive? It feels silly to recognize that the ways you feel inflexible about your life make your design the likes of a small, yellow comet goldfish.
Imagine if you were literally this guy.
Luckily, you do not have to be fated to live like a fragile fish. You can examine the ways you are inflexible, acknowledge them, and shed your rigid skin to grow a stronger and more resilient one. As PG said in a recent essay,3 obstinacy is being resistant to changing your ideas. Resilience means not having your morale destroyed by setbacks.
Resilience means that even if you sleep at an ungodly hour and wake up at an equally ungodly one, you will still make progress on the things that matter. Resilience means that you will fight to win and maintain your morale no matter your circumstance and conditions. Resilience means that you will not simply go belly up if your tank doesn’t suit you, but you will become like the fish in Finding Nemo and unrealistically find a way out of the tank and into your ocean. Resilience means that no setback or problem is too large for your plans. Resilience means will always fight to win.
We are human beings and we make mistakes. Most people don’t end up having their first couple generations of fish survive. It is heartbreaking for us to lose our friends.
I have made this number up. There is no source I have found that states the number of bacteria fish need nor is there a way to exactly count them.
I found it a very timely coincidence that I have been wanting to publish this essay about fragility and resilience around the same time that PG posted the persistence essay.